Shattered Feathers
by MoonlightWolf39
Summary: The Winchesters have been a hunt. And havnt been home in a while. While Castiel searches for them, the team may stumble upon more than they bargained for. This is my first fanfiction, and depending on the reception i will do the next chapter Chapter 1.


Castiel enjoyed mornings like this. He stood, a stoic angel, against a black backdrop of stormy skies and thrashing oceans, his mind swirling with thoughts at the same intensity of the spinning wind that channelled through his raven feathers. The chaos that nature brought seemed to make him more comfortable than the uber calm summers that occurred just before the harshness of winter came to greet it. It made him feel slightly less worried or stressed, knowing that nature had its periods of emotional outbreaks too, such as the angry wind biting his face.

It had been two months since the Winchesters had gone missing. They'd been on a hunt, simple enough, just a ruguru on the edge of Lawrence, Kansas. It should have been over quickly, yet they had been missing for two months. Even heavens reach could not pinpoint the boy's location. Castiel sighed, his sound lost in the moaning of the wind yet its meaning remained; he was worried, more than he liked to let on in front of his brethren. They didn't seem to understand his bond with the hunters, and he didn't think he truly understood it himself, and that left him isolated and different from his siblings. Something that seemed to get him teased an awful lot.

The seagulls danced around him, their wings stretched out, embracing the winds currents. Tilting his head slightly he considered the possibility of where the brothers could be.

Dean ran round what seemed like the fiftieth corner in the last 10 minutes. His breath came in ragged, uneven pulses as his heavy footfalls echoed around the darkness. He could still hear the claws clattering on the metal floor behind him, his heart beating out an unsteady beat. Dean wondered, not for the first time in his life, whether the death would be swift.

He hadn't seen Sammy since they were separated on the hunt for the ruguru and he prayed to Castiel that he was safe, not that he thought Cas had any way of hearing his prayers. He didn't know where he was, but he knew it wasn't good, the Winchester gut instinct proving vitally important in his survival over the months.

"Son of a bitch" He muttered heavily under his breath as he slipped for the seventh time, the sound of the creature behind him growing louder , its laboured breaths seemingly mocking Dean of his last few moments alive. Turning round he faced a set of leering yellow eyes from the darkness, he could hear its claws scratching the floor and he readied his stance. He couldn't run forever, better fight and try to take it down with him, better that he killed it, after all there was still a possibility Sammy was with him in this nightmare and one less monster meant more hope for his little brother.

"Come on then!" He shouted at the creature, its eyes brightening at the prospect of a kill. And with that it pounced.

"Hey bro" Gabriel's voice sliced through Castiels thoughts like an unwanted wound. Turning round to face his brother he narrowed his eyes slightly, the last time he had seen his brother he had mocked Cas for looking for the hunters.

"What do you want brother" Cas said, his voice clam and even, showing nothing of the emotions boiling under the surface. Gabriel uneasily edged forward to stand beside his brother, he kept his golden wings tucked neatly by his side, scared that opening them even in the slightest manner would blow him away. He knew Castiel was angry, the kid may be good at keeping emotions hidden from anyone else, but not him, not his big brother.

"Look, Im sorry Cassy, I didn't mea-" He started, but Cas cut him off with a slight arm movement.

"It is not of import" Castiel stated, his voice gruff, he really didn't want to be having this conversation, he wanted to find the brothers. Find his hunters. Find Dean.

Dean opened his eyes slowly, the bright white light making it almost impossible to see anything. The beast had pounced and now where was he? He quickly readied himself for any other attack and spun on his heels trying to make out how he had got too wherever he was. The light slowly faded revealing a forest, the trees branches reaching too the sky almost in a plea for help. But there was no help. No Cas, no Sammy and no explanation.

Sighing slightly he decided he couldn't just stand there all night, so with a heavy heart he started trudging through the forest, the gnarled trunks of the tree mocking his efforts to escape.

Dean had been walking for what seemed like hours when he saw her. She was standing there, dressed in white, her long blonde hair flowing past her shoulders and her smile just as genuine and catching as he remembered. He tried to speak, his throat becoming constricted as he tried to form all the words he wanted to say, but he only managed one.

"Mom?"

Sam slumped on the ground, his feet aching and his head banging. He reached up and rubbed his forefingers on his temple, attempting to rub away the stabbing pain in his mind. He wondered where Dean was, hoped he was still back in Lawrence hunting the ruguru but he doubted their luck. Sighing he got back up and turned round, looking over the hillsides, to see how far he had come. 10 miles? Possibly more, he had lost count of the hills he had passed or the snow covered trees he had rested under. His hands ran through his hair, despair pooling in the bottom of his stomach.

"Dean?" He shouted, wasn't that just Deans voice he had heard shout "Mum" a second ago. He got up eagerly, hoping to see his brother come over the horizon, but seconds went by. Minutes. Hours. No luck. Maybe he was going mad. It wouldn't be the first time. And with that thought he picked himself up and kept walking to an unknown destination.

Dean stood , unable to move, by the sight of his mum in front of him. God, how he had missed her. All of his mind wanting to hug, wanting that touch of comfort but his muscles simply wouldn't allow it. It was then he noticed the other figures.

"Cassy!" Castiel could hear his brothers voice and could feel his wings wrapped round his body. He opened his eyes slowly. What was that, he thought. He remembered thinking of the Winchesters, hoping they were ok, and then this searing pain in his temple. It was then he had fallen to the ground clutching his head in agony.

Castiel screamed out again, his head exploding in bright searing pain but then it was gone. The wind, his brothers comforting wing, the pain. All of it. Gone. Replaced by a memory? He tilted his head slightly, his mind straining to remember if what he was seeing was a memory. No. Not a memory. He turned round slowly, the edges of his vision appearing slightly blurred, almost dream-like. Castiels eyes lit up upon seeing Dean in front of him, but the light soon faded to a darker brooding sadness when he saw Deans expression. Cas had seen it many times before. It was an expression of emotional pain, only seen when the cracks of his mask worn to protect Sammy, grew large enough to show the interior. It was an expression of hate for himself due to a weakness he thought was there inside himself. It was an expression that tore Castiels emotions and soul to pieces, angel or no angel.

"Kill yourself. Do it. You're worthless, you're nothing to me or to Sam." Castiel spun around to see the source of such comments only to see Mary Winchester, her face serious yet something was wrong, he could see a slight blue glow around her. It wasn't her. It wasn't Mary. Looking round he saw others too. Jo and Ellen. John. Bobby. All of them weren't themselves. Spinning back round to Dean, he searched Deans eyes frantically, hoping he could see the blue glow too.

Dean's eyes blinked rapidly to remove the tears forming. She was right. He couldn't protect Sammy, hell he was probably here alone and Dean had left him. Not to mention all the times he had got Sammy in danger before. He had one job and he had blown it too many times to count. His brother was out here, somewhere, alone and fighting for his life because Dean had been weak. He had taken his brother away from a happy life to satisfy his selfish need for his brothers company. And look where it had gotten Sammy. A tear spilled over his cheek from knowing he was hearing the truth and it fell, like his pride, onto the soft earth below him. Closing his eyes slowly, he reached down to his knife.

Castiels eyes widened when he saw the knife. His heart raced with the possibility of losing Dean, he yearned to wrap Dean in his wings, tell him that its ok, that he wasn't any of the bad things he believed himself to be.

"Dean!" He tried to yell, his voice breaking into panic and potential loss but Dean couldn't hear him. He was as alone as Dean felt. He watched as Dean lifted the knife, the morning sun glancing off the blade and causing dancing lights to reflect off the forest. Castiels breathing quickened , a natural impulse of his vessel, and he angrily wiped away an annoying wet substance growing in the corner of his eyes.

"No" He shook his head, holding himself up on a branch, under the weight of sudden emotions. "Not like this."

Dean took one last look at the figures in front of him. Jo and Ellen. His mum. John. Bobby. All dead because of him. He could see the desire in their eyes, the desire for him to plunge the knife into his chest, to end his life and who was he to deny them their right for revenge.

"Im sorry Sammy" He whispered and he plunged the knife down.

"DEAN!" Castiels voice rang out into the forest, cracking with emotions, echoing nothing but pain, loss and despair. He fell to his knees, watching Dean writhe in the final moments of his life, the blood staining the mossy earth beneath him. He was going to die. Alone. He didn't even know Cas was sitting with him. He didn't know that he was loved and wanted. He was going to die thinking he deserved this.

"But you don't" Cas whispered, and he let the tears fall.


End file.
